Be Like Me

The Secret Steps for Becoming a Successful Writer


I wrote this back when I thought people might be redeemable, like soda bottles. As with all my stuff, it ages better than a cheerleader stored in a cryogenic center.

People often ask me, "Brent, how can I become a successful writer like you? What are the secrets?"

Oh, you silly people, let me tell you how I've done it. This is my way to give back to those still struggling to achieve wealth and fame:

1. Be attractive. No one wants to look at a sell sheet with an ugly person on it. If you aren't naturally good-looking like me, then do like C+C Music Factory and hire a stand-in. To me, this is the most critical element for writing success. So much so that I work out 6 to 8 hours a day and write only with whatever time I have left.


2. Be friendly. I work pretty hard at being gracious and nonconfrontational, always working and playing well with others. My posts bear that out (and those who think otherwise can go fuck themselves).

3. Do whatever it takes. I'm not proud of sleeping with my agent. But he told me that's how everyone gets started.

4. Steal. That's what all those other stories are for. Copy and paste, then make them your own with a few keystrokes. The rest of the time is sweatin' time.

Glad I could help out.

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